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That Blonde
Old Navy Girl
Old Navy Girl
The Blonde Old Navy girl is a complete mystery. Apart from being able to learn her real name, there is very little information available on this woman. She is an enigma wrapped in a conundrum and served with a heaping helping of hush-hush. What follows is her meticulously
Lauren Hastings, the blonde Old Navy caroler, was born in a small science outpost near the Arctic Circle to a neurosurgeon mom and a rocket scientist dad. Until Lauren's birth, they had considered their greatest achievement to be the successful integration of a human brain into a rocket destined to be launched into the far reaches of space. The rocket, however, made sentient by the addition of a brain, realized that space is cold and lonely and no place to be, and made other plans. The day of the launch, the rocket went A.W.O.L. When last seen, it was heading toward the South Pacific, most likely to indulge its tastes in fruity rum drinks and Polynesian women. At last report, the Polynesian women were very happy.
On the other hand, raised among the caribou and polar bears on the northernmost ice cap with the other children of the outpost, Lauren went screeching nowhere. She was born with a rare condition by which normal speech is made impossible. Unable to join in the games of the other children, she soon became an outcast, a situation which would certainly have worn on any ordinary child. But Lauren was not ordinary.
Lauren was a cheerful child, rosy and bright, and she spent a good deal of time alone outside, playing in the snow and communing with the local animals. But then, nothing less than a miracle occurred. Around her 10th year, by modulating certain parts of her larynx Lauren was able to find her voice! Although she still couldn't speak, per se, she was able to raise her voice in song.
More accustomed to hanging around with the creatures of the tundra than with children, she took to suddenly appearing before them... in a restaurant, in a pantry, in the bowling alley... where she would sing her greetings to them. Put off at first by this unusual behaviour, the other children were reticent, but soon Lauren endeared herself to them.
She also endeared herself to a hearty band of Old Navy scientists on a trip to the Arctic to test an innovative new fabric for winterwear known as fleece. Not wanting to deprive the world of this brilliant ray of arctic sunshine (who looks really good in a sweater), the scientists brought her to Old Navy headquarters where, through the magic of television, she has endeared herself to us all.
But don't take my word for it. Watch the commercials, and see if you don't fall in love with this girl. Because you will. Oh, yes... you will...
You will need Apple's Quicktime Player to play these movies, which can be downloaded free from Apple's web site, here.
Meanwhile, enjoy these pictures of the Mysterious Old Navy Blonde.
Page design by Saru-San. Original material should be borrowed liberally but credited to Saru-San. (That's me!) A link would be nice. Contact me by e-mail at mrsarusan AT gmail DOT com. Thanks for playing. You can go back to your homes, now. Or scoot on over to Diaryland and get your read on. © 2005 by Saru-San